Sometimes I get achingly jealous.

*

Tomorrow:

I will wake up at 8am.

Jot down all air ticket booking information.

Bring letter from college.

Proceed to agency.

Discuss departure dates.

With regard to departure date:
(1) January 23, night
(2) January 24, morning
(3) January 25, night
* Regardless of choice of airline. (I may still end up preferring J.A. or S.A.)

Enquire about change of return date.

Make payment.

E-mail college acceptance information.

E-mail KG arrival information.

Tidy clothes on bed and wardrobe.

Reminders:

I genuinely love DBSK.

I genuinely love One Piece.

I genuinely love Bleach.

I genuinely like Prince of Tennis.

I genuinely miss Naruto.

I genuinely want to love myself.

I am not afraid.

I am tired. I wish I have a person to speak to. I can no longer keep up with the lives of the people I hope to keep up with. Speaking to them now may be equivalent to getting to know them all over again as if I have never known them before. And I am tired of that. What do I want? I am going to Japan in two months' time but I will not be there permanently. Maybe I should use this opportunity to see if it is really a place suitable for me. If so I can come back and plan my ultimate escape. I am tired of too many things. The people I knew all had expectations of themselves, but by association their expectations of themselves are expectations of my expectations of myself. I know I will never measure up. In a new place with strangers who cannot pronounce my name, whose language I can hardly understand, who do not know my history, I am obscured, hidden from view. No one will take notice of me. More than ever, I can be a new me. I want that. I like that. It will be My Pace. And then I will wonder if the people I left behind would miss me. I know it is egocentric, but it is something I cannot help but wonder when I ultimately leave. If they don't, that only proves that my decision is correct.

Oh. Oh. I am in love.

There are two reasons why Bleach filler is even lovely and adorable.

I chanced upon the very wonderful thing called Bleach Soul Sonic 2006 yesterday. And boy, watching Fukuyama Jun read out Yumichika's lines was orgasmic.

Paku Romi is charmingly attractive; Yusa Kouji is supremely sexy; Miyata Kouki is fucking adorable I want to take him home.

( Bleach Soul Sonic 2006 )

( Fukuyama-san on Lunches )

( Fukuyama-san on Dreams )

The dust is one inch thick. It makes me sneeze. My hands are coated with a film of dirt. I push up my spectacles with the back of my hand. The clock keeps moving. I have three clocks, all of them have stopped and I don't remember since when they did.

I swim through the dust, the past, the love, the mindlessness, teenage years, years when I grew a little wiser but still juvenile. I am still naive now. There are things that are the same, still, I tell myself.

Come tomorrow and tomorrow and I will be gone. I will close these doors and say, "See you later."

I finally got around to finding out what is this Bleach Beat Collection many fans are talking about. Obviously, I dived headlong into the B.B.C. featuring the Eleventh Division. There are six tracks, three songs and three instrumentals. I listened to all three songs and my favourite is We.

Comments

We

Compared to the other divisions, the Eleventh Division is more like a family. This song adorably portrays this familial relationship and gives me a warm feeling.

I love the duet between Yumichika and Ikkaku in the beginning. Yachiru's lyrics are lovely and touching. I had a hard time translating them as they are all written in hiragana. Normally I can gauge the meaning by looking at the Chinese characters. But it was worth the effort. It mainly talks about her back story with Zaraki, showing again how important Zaraki is her life.

The chorus in the end has Zaraki-taichou half mumbling half rapping in weird sounding English, which is quite amusing. The whole atmosphere is very delightful. I like this song a lot.

COME to LIKE it. This FIGHT now

Some unintelligible rapping by Zaraki, it seems. The echo becomes too loud when the volume is high, creating more like noise than music.

Funny Days

It seems like the lyrics are all written in hiragana *headdesk* I wonder who taught Yachiru how to write. Don't tell me because no one did so she couldn't use kanji. The music sounds joyous and peaceful. This is really Bleach? Yachiru is so cute.

( B.B.C. 2nd SESSION 03 )

You can say the primary reason why I watch Bleach is because of its theme songs, although the animation during which the songs are played claims a large part of the credit.

If I have to pick one - just one - song to talk a bit about, it would be Houki Boshi by Younha. It is the third ending theme, which starts from Episode 26 and ends by Episode 38, featuring the captains and lieutenants from the Thirteen Protection Squads.

The dynamics between the captain and the lieutenant of each division have always interested me. This interest also plays a major role in keeping me as a Bleach fan. I was particularly drawn to the perverse relationship between Ichimaru Gin and Kira Izuru, precisely at the moment when Ichimaru extended a hand to Kira in the MV, who was kneeling in darkness. At that point in time, I already knew there was something mysterious and dark about Ichimaru and have always labelled him as the "villian" (although my fondness for him has never diminished since the first time I set my eyes upon him). My impression of him is an aloof yet highly skilled Shinigami who will not spare a thought for anyone or anything else other than his own entertainment, so why is he displaying a gesture of reassurance, something bordering on kindness towards Kira? Who is Kira to Ichimaru and why is he so special? Is it purely due to the superior-subordinate relationship or is there something more? So many possibilities, which, of course, soon took over my sanity and turned me into a part time Gin/Izuru shipper (my main ship being Yumichika/Ikkaku).

It is heartening to review the thirteen versions of Houki Boshi. They say so much about what makes each division one of a kind, and not to mention the shippy moments that make fangirls smile like idiots (i.e. me), so much so they are even like animated drabbles. My personal favourite, obviously, is the version featuring the Eleventh Division, seeing how hard I ship the Ambiguously Gay Duo on top of worshipping the awesomeness that is Zaraki Kenpachi and Kusajishi Yachiru. There is just so much thug love and of the Dysfunctional Family in full glory ♥

( Houki Boshi - Younha )

Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix is not as disappointing as I expected it to be. In fact, I enjoyed it. It made me like Severus Snape.

Every diehard Harry Potter fan must be furiously reading the seventh book now.

Goodbye fic. I cannot bear to leave but I have to. There is too much at stake.

( Five Times Yumichika and Ikkaku Never Said 'I Love You': 705 words. PG-13. We are the lucky ones. )

I quote motorbike:

See the hand/leg action there? CANON I TELL YOU.

( I am ashamed I did not notice it until now. )

Click to enlarge.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Off to watch now. Comments later.

[ETA 23:59] Funny how things like this can make me terribly, terribly happy.

( Bleach Episode 134: +66 )

Luis Antonio Jimenez

This kid is from Chile and plays as an attacking midfielder. He has joined Inter on a loan deal from Ternana. Inter have an option for full ownership of the player, who has signed a one year contract with an option for three more seasons until 30 June 2011.

You can play in many midfield positions. But is there one you like in particular?

"I feel good when I play behind the strikers, but I have covered many attacking roles in Italy, apart from centre forward. I will adapt to whatever they ask me to do."

I can't wait to see how Jimenez's inclusion can shape up the team. It is always good to have more options, if this boy lives up to what Oriali claimed him to be.



Nelson Enrique Lopez Rivas

This kid is Colombian, but he was playing for River Plate in Argentina before the transfer. He has signed a four year contract with Inter. On a personal note, I am rather pleased that Inter is injecting more South American blood into the team.

Rivas, which defensive roles did you cover at River Plate?

"I played at right- and left-back and I can also play in the middle."

Apparently Passarella is very angry about Rivas' departure, which I assume is due to Rivas' assets. For some reason, it makes me glow to know Cordoba is helping Rivas adjust to life in Italy.

P.S.: Please don't tell me that's our new away kit.

*

Meanwhile, Ayala is in Zaragoza now. I have got no complaints. The prospect of seeing him on the pitch with Pablito, the Milito brothers etc. makes me more than happy. All the best ♥

( Ayala's Presentation: +7 )

Copa America has drawn to a close three days ago. Brazil 3 - 0 Argentina. In Argentina's whole campaign, I have only watched the second half of the finals. Ayala scored an own goal, which I caught on YouTube. It was heart wrenching. The expression on his face says it all. After this, he is going to retire from the national team. This is not the way I want his last international game to end.

From what I have seen, Argentina honestly fell apart under pressure. I don't know what went wrong, but everything looked wrong and was wrong. The teamwork was off. The players were scrambling all over the field. Brazil exploited our weakness and conveniently turned it to their advantage. It obviously doesn't help that Ayala made a grave mistake.

It was great to see everyone again, but the atmosphere was certainly not what I had hoped for. This is actually the first time I see Roman and Pablito playing side by side. The more I watch them the more I am convinced Pablito's presence is a calming effect on Roman. Notice whenever Roman gets upset, all Pablito needs to do is to give his arm a squeeze to make him feel better. Somehow, despite the tragedy, I am glad they both have each other by their sides.

I saw Cuchu. He shaved his head bald and I almost could not recognise him. Y even said it was not him over the phone, but it was. No matter how he looked, I could always pick him out. Zanetti was there too. He had been a great help to the team in this game, but he is only one person. Still, seeing my captain on the field brought me a kind of comfort only he could give.

There are rumours about Heinze coming to Liverpool. If it is true, I would be so elated. He will be safe here, away from the evil paws of Fergie and Man U. I saw him against Brazil and he made me proud, the way he just threw himself into every challenge, not caring how he would land on the ground and get trampled upon. This is the Heinze I know and love.

It always has to be bittersweet with Argentina, huh? When the Brazilians were celebrating and cheering, I wondered how it must feel to be a Brazil fan with all that gratification. If only those joyous faces had been the ones I dream of every night... I guess you can call it masochism, me sticking to good ol' Argentina even after suffering blow after blow. The World Cup, Copa America... These are all shadows. But some people are leaving and I don't want to see them go quietly in the darkness of these shadows.

I will be waiting for the day when our colours fly again. Love, C.

四月五日，我第一次下笔。我还是一个初学者，这一路走来很艰辛，很多时候都是一个人躲在黑暗中写啊写啊。也许因为害怕有一天突然失去热忱就不写了，所以从来不敢停下。现在暂时休息，回顾从一个每天只会潜水的读者变成一个开始写文章的动漫迷之后，发现原来自己舍不得一手建立起来的这一切，哪怕它在别人眼中是多么地微不足道。

如果可以的话，我要一直在这条爱河里航行。

( 同人女一百问 )

I did not realise Juventus will be back in Serie A this season. I am very glad that both Mancini and Figo have stayed. The new kid on the block is Suazo, so we have six strikers now but it seems like Recoba is not entirely fit. Fabio Grosso's departure does us more harm than good. I liked the boy.

People are talking about us clinching both the Scudetto and European championship. There is a lot of doubt, just like how it was last season when we became Italian champions because of the scandals and everyone threw us many question marks. Strangely, I am more excited than afraid.

A brand new season is arriving. I have missed out on many juicy rumours in the transfer market, but everything is settling down now. When club football takes off again, academia will also take over my life. Let us work hard together, Liverpool, Inter and I. Not forgetting the many lovelies in La Liga. Just because I don't have a particular favourite team doesn't mean I love the Spanish league any less.

I will arrange my schedules according to my classes and the football fixtures. It is a breath of fresh air to start the year in August. What wishes do I have for this new beginning? I want to be less emotional and more sensitive, less dependent and more hardworking, less disorganised and more responsible. I hope my boys will play their hearts out every week. I want to watch football seriously, write better fanfics, polish my Chinese and continue loving Naruto and Bleach. Simple wishes, simple life.

To Liverpool: We will be European Champions again.

To Inter: Let us make Italy ours.

To myself: Don't forget how difficult it was to get here.

I need a copy of the whole La Liga's fixtures because I don't have a specific team I am going to follow, although you can say I am inclined towards Real Madrid. I need Inter's Serie A fixtures too, but they are not out yet. So for now, ( Liverpool Fixtures 07/08. )

I want to watch football properly again.

Where do I begin?

It has been nineteen years. Many people come in and go out of my life in this short span of time. Some stayed. Of those who have stayed, how many do I remember? I know your faces, I know your name. But what I really want to know is what I am in your heart... and what you are in mine.

*

I returned from the Freshman Orientation Camp two days ago. Wow, so I made it this far. I am a freshman now. I have a lot of people to thank for this. How can my gratitude ever be enough? I am very happy to be where I am now. I know I want to be here and now that I am here, it feels... overwhelming.

I waved farewell to those childish mistakes from the past long ago, but will I remember to bring along the lessons learnt into the future? Things are turning my head in different directions, I am afraid I will forget to look where I am supposed to.

The new people are generally pleasant and the seniors are great. Can I let go of the hands I have been holding for so long now? Can I walk across this tight rope strung high above the ground? There is always an umbrella in my hand and I should not be scared. The trick is to keep looking forward.

*

I always see shadows of you in them. Maybe this is why they say first love is unforgettable. I am not thirteen years old anymore, but to me you are still ideal. Somehow I have come to appreciate the beauty of unrequited love. This is what I call the Display Glass Theory.

Weeks ago I was telling a girl over the phone about the things I used to do to catch a glimpse of this certain boy in school. At one point in time, she told me, "You like him longer than I am with my boyfriend." The funny thing about time is it passes too quickly when you least expect it to.

There is another boy. He has big eyes and an adorable smile. His voice is a joy to listen to. There are sparkles in his eyes when he talks and I am not sure if I am the only one who notices it. He has a scent on him you can get lost in and you wonder what kind of ordinary boy can pull off such a spell.

It is important to remove the dead weight in your heart because some things are gone once they are lost. I want to treat him kindly like how I treated you. He will never know how much he reminds me of you, the way my eyes and ears pick you out from a crowd not by my own will.

*

Let us start on a clean slate again.

*

And because all beautiful things are worthy of praise.

You are not beautiful beautiful. You are ordinary and beautiful. Perhaps due to the way circumstances were, I started looking at you. By a stroke of luck I spoke to you. For a few minutes, we were alone. How strange it was to feel happy knowing that. It terrifies me, the way you content me so easily.

You asked for my name when I already remembered yours. There are too many girls here, you said, you can't remember all. That was when I resigned to the reality that it did not matter what my name was. We talked about football and all I could think of was how wonderful that we both would never walk alone.

I don't understand. How is something so commonplace able to mean anything, anything at all? When things start to mean something, I know hearts are going to be hurt and smiles will be stolen. This is why I pluck flowers out like weeds in my heart's garden before they can even bloom.

This is about histories and horror stories we all heard. This is the old school game of who loved who first. This is why I dare not touch you, no matter how much I want to. Lovely things are golden and eternal, so much so that hands like mine should never ruin.

You are magical the way you are. I don't see how the addition of me in your world can make it better than it already is. But please allow me to sit here and watch you smile, watch you sleep. There is nothing more I will say or do. When it comes to certain things, just staying like this is too good to be true.

*

( it's all about you )

Out of contact for 5 days. Dear miniscule f-list, I will miss you. To all those who have read any of my fics, who have commented or not commented, I thank you. I promise I will continue writing and improve when I come back. 'Til then, take care.